Whimsicalities of Me (I come up with my titles after my compositions.)

Dear anniemosity,

I no longer want my name here to be my name completely connected to The Galvanized Kite alter ego of mine of cool shit I find, but alas... I sigh... Alas... Sigh... Alas again.... Alas... Sigh. Sigh.

I am conflicted. I feel like I have been censoring myself. Not just in the realm of blog spilling but in blogging in general. Maybe a little outside in the world life too. You see I have this thing about me, I am honest. Fucking honest most of the time as much as I can be in time, and I think about all the times life for me has erupted or eclipsed (like tonight) and how I just let the Universe be me and do what it does with what I am or am not or what-have-yous in it. Alas... I'm using alas as apprehension or as concern.

My intentions are never to create waves of brutal destruction or negativity or anything bad, but to create waves none-the-less. I like a calm beach. I like to spend all day building castles on it. Then I like to watch the tide rush in and toss that structured sand around revealing swirls and spirals cascading back into what it was before, but changed because every speck, every crystal, every muddled down fleck of limestone, every tumbled to almost nothing agate or diamond is changed just by its change in placement. Change in perspective. Sort of like monks and mandalas.

So my conflict, do I out right be myself, who ever that happens to be to who ever happen to be receiving, like I said its perspective. I am not the same Kimber to you as say the Kimber that Sugar knows. So do I really want to choose to change my name in different locations or do I just let the location and circumstances and the viewer or the reader change what that name means (my name) to them.

The conflict though, by putting my very own name on something I feel almost like I have to take responsibility for others perspectives. Me. Myself. Kimber, the identity I associate totally me with. Say I divulged that after a night of drinking I was able to make a guy fully ejaculate twice within one minute, someone might say, holy fuck awesome, how were you able to do that, but on the other hand my dad would have a heart attack if he read that. Oh alas.... Alas...!

Is this conflict making sense to you? I wasn't quite sure what exactly it was when I started typing a few minutes ago. I know that I addressed this rant to you because you are the creator of this space we spill in and hence have control of how we are listed. Plus, you have always been a person of ease to talk with.

So maybe I don't want to change my name. Maybe I just want to feel more comfortable with how I'm perceived. How I am perceiving. Maybe my real conflict here is that I feel changed by every haphazard breeze, and time moves and flows and rushes more consistently than air itself, so by the time I alas and sigh time has changed again, I have changed again. I am a castle, I am a swirl and a spiral, I am the wave that changes everything, and then changes everything again and again.

So it's true I no longer want my name to be the same, but after sorting through these thoughts that are now out there and can't ever be completely deleted, I realize perception and time and waves and life change whatever me is in always. I am never the same, with or without association.

So I will sign this with my name, whatever one that happens to be to you today,

Kimber